Flagship Product

The Canvas
Exo-Skeleton

It displaces water. That's the main thing.

After one week of research and development (on sticky notes), our engineers arrived at a singular breakthrough: a frame made of canvas that, when worn in water, displaces water. This is what we built the company on.

See Pricing How It Works

Technical Overview

The Science of Being Ejected

Based on three exhaustive sticky note diagrams, here's how the experience works:

  • You board Boaty McBoatface at the designated dock
  • You are fitted with your Canvas Exo-Skeleton (size TBD)
  • The vessel travels to a safe New England coastal location
  • At the aft deck, you are positioned on the eject platform
  • Upon countdown, you are ejected off the aft of the boat
  • The Canvas Exo-Skeleton displaces water upon entry
  • You float. Probably.
  • A crew member retrieves you. Eventually.
to displace water → Canvas exo-skeleton in the water: ↙ water displaced ↘ shark (noted)

Technical Specifications

What You're Getting

Spec Value
Primary Material Canvas (hence the name)
Key Function Water displacement
Secondary Function Looking like you have a plan
Shark Deterrence Unconfirmed (ongoing study)
Eject Velocity Fast. We don't have numbers.
Regulatory Status Pending (optimistic)
Return Policy You've already been ejected

Investment Options

Choose Your Skeleton

Three tiers. One purpose. Zero regrets (we think).

🥉 Bronze Skeleton
$299
"You float. Probably."
  • Standard canvas frame
  • One eject experience
  • Life jacket included (just in case)
  • Crew retrieval within 20 min
  • Certificate of ejection
  • Shark zone priority seating
Most Ejected
🥈 Silver Skeleton
$499
"Reinforced canvas. The sharks respect it more."
  • Reinforced canvas frame
  • Two eject experiences
  • Premium life jacket
  • Crew retrieval within 10 min
  • Framed certificate of ejection
  • Shark zone seating upgrade
  • Splash photo included
🥇 Gold Skeleton
$999
"Gold-plated canvas (aesthetics only). Maximum ejection velocity."
  • Gold-plated canvas frame*
  • Unlimited ejections (same day)
  • VIP life jacket (monogrammed)
  • Immediate crew retrieval
  • NFT of your eject arc
  • Priority shark zone positioning
  • Boaty McBoatface branded towel
  • Post-eject debrief with Tigershark

*Gold plating is aesthetic only. The canvas does not respond to gold. We tried.